I was recently working on a project with my writing coach, Robert, and was confronted with my biggest challenge, my greatest downfall; the one that stops me in my tracks, slows my learning and has me veer off course and go find something else to do. It’s my fear of:
“I’m not doing it right and will look bad!”
I went silent, and as Robert kept trying to get me to talk, I had a full-on meltdown and became passive-aggressive. As he continued to press me to communicate, I got fully aggressive and barked back nastily and wanted to end the call. I was STORMING! (Psychologist Bruce Tuckman identifies this as one of the 4 stages of psychological development a team goes through as they work on a project - more on that in the future).
Then I realized that if I just let go of my need to explain and justify why I can’t do something, accept that I have concerns, and stay with it, there is freedom for me on the other side. Just like when I was practicing docking my boat (I wrote about that over the summer…)
This is what I discovered: I don’t have to “figure it out” or be masterful from what I’ve been taught immediately. My real learning is in my struggle.
But, if I blow it off, like I wanted to, I would be left with more feelings of inadequacy, more incompletions, and more unfinished business. And that always leads me to more veering, starting and not finishing projects, and feeling buried and overwhelmed.
Has this ever happened to you??? I now see how I use avoidance and passive-aggressive behavior and if pushed, full aggression does not have to confront my fears. However, when I do address those fears, they become tamed and manageable.
My concern and fear of looking bad have made me stop and not push through many many things. And as I just experienced, pushing through is where my growth and opportunity lie. And it’s from that vulnerability that I can relate to and help others push through what stops them.
I was 1 person STORMING. Imagine what this is like when a team of people working on a project together goes through this - yikes!!! Next week we will dive into that, so stay tuned!